I want to stick my p in your. b.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
