okay pat passed out under dana's car
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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