Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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