Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I believe in your delicious
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
