I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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