I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
