4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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