It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
