im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
