He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
