Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
