my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
