do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
