dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
