if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize