Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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