FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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