'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you traded sex for a burrito?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
