He asked me if I "almost moaned"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
