I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
