I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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