margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
