what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
