I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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