I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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