I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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