I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize