her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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