Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
