i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
