he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
