Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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