I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
