Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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