do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
