i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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