trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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