so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
