My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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