anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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