sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
