her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
