It's like God shit irony all over that family
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Thank you for not boning my boss.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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