It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
