I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
