Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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