I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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