Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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