just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
