Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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