Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
