My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
