well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
