I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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