You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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