Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize