saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
