i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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