I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
