I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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