Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
