considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
