so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
