I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
