Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Holy sore nipples Batman
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
