dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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